Affair & Relationship Clarity Reflection

Basic information

Before we begin

You will answer one question at a time. Some questions have options to choose from, and every question also has a text box where you can write your own answer. If a question is too hard right now, leave it and move ahead. Nothing is sent until you press submit on the last page.

Your name (or a name you prefer)

Email address

WhatsApp number

Your answers are shared only with your counsellor, stored privately, and never shared with the other person or anyone else.

Basic informationQuestion 1

Your age

Basic informationQuestion 2

Your gender / sex

Female Male Other Prefer not to say

Or write it in your own words

Basic informationQuestion 3

Their age

Basic informationQuestion 4

Their gender / sex

Female Male Other Prefer not to say

Or write it in your own words

Basic informationQuestion 5

Your current relationship status

Or write it in your own words

Basic informationQuestion 6

Their current relationship status

Or write it in your own words

Basic informationQuestion 7

If either of you is married or in another relationship, how long have they been in that relationship?

Basic informationQuestion 8

Do they have children? If yes, please mention their approximate ages.

How did this relationship begin?Question 9

How did you first meet?

How did this relationship begin?Question 10

When did the relationship become emotionally or romantically involved?

How did this relationship begin?Question 11

How long have you been involved with each other?

How did this relationship begin?Question 12

Who took the first step towards making the relationship more than friendship?

They did I did It happened naturally, both together

Or write it in your own words

How did this relationship begin?Question 13

What attracted you to them initially?

How did this relationship begin?Question 14

What did you think this relationship would be when it first began?

How did this relationship begin?Question 15

Has what you wanted from this relationship changed over time? If yes, how?

Understanding their intentionsQuestion 16

What do you feel they want from you?

Understanding their intentionsQuestion 17

What have they directly told you they want from this relationship?

Understanding their intentionsQuestion 18

Why do you think they want to continue this affair or relationship?

Understanding their intentionsQuestion 19

Do you think they want the relationship to continue permanently, temporarily, or until something changes in their life?

Permanently Temporarily Until something changes in their life I genuinely do not know

Or write it in your own words

Understanding their intentionsQuestion 20

Do their words and actions match? Please explain.

Understanding their intentionsQuestion 21

Have they ever made promises about the future? What were those promises?

Understanding their intentionsQuestion 22

Do you feel they are emotionally dependent on you? Why or why not?

What do you want?Question 23

If there were no guilt, fear, pressure, or consequences, what would you genuinely choose to do about this relationship?

Answer for yourself only, not for anyone else.

What do you want?Question 24

Do you currently want to stay in this relationship?

Yes No I am confused

Or write it in your own words

What do you want?Question 25

If yes, why do you want to stay?

What do you want?Question 26

If no, why do you want to leave?

What do you want?Question 27

What are the three biggest reasons you remain in the relationship?

What do you want?Question 28

What are the three biggest reasons you want to get away from it?

What do you want?Question 29

If nothing changed in this relationship for the next 2 years, how would you feel about continuing exactly as things are today?

What do you want?Question 30

What do you hope will happen if you leave?

When you try to leaveQuestion 31

Have you ever tried to end the relationship or affair?

Yes No

Or write it in your own words

When you try to leaveQuestion 32

If yes, how many times have you seriously tried to leave?

When you try to leaveQuestion 33

What usually makes you decide, "I need to get out of this"?

When you try to leaveQuestion 34

What exactly do you do when you try to leave?

For example: reduce contact, stop replying, block them, or clearly say the relationship is over.

Reduce contact Stop replying Block them Clearly say the relationship is over Something else (describe below)

Or write it in your own words

When you try to leaveQuestion 35

How do they react when you try to leave?

When you try to leaveQuestion 36

What do they say to you?

When you try to leaveQuestion 37

Do they become angry, sad, blaming, pleading, depressed, anxious, or something else?

Or write it in your own words

When you try to leaveQuestion 38

Have they ever said or done anything that made you feel you could not leave? Please explain.

When you try to leaveQuestion 39

Do they contact you repeatedly when you try to create distance?

Yes, constantly Yes, sometimes Rarely No

Or write it in your own words

When you try to leaveQuestion 40

Have they ever involved friends, family members, colleagues, or other people to reach you?

Emotional pressure and responsibilityQuestion 41

When they are upset, do you feel responsible for making them feel better?

Yes, always Often Sometimes No

Or write it in your own words

Emotional pressure and responsibilityQuestion 42

What happens inside you when they cry, become depressed, or say they are having a panic attack?

Emotional pressure and responsibilityQuestion 43

Have you ever continued the relationship mainly because you were worried about what would happen to them if you left?

Yes Partly, among other reasons No

Or write it in your own words

Emotional pressure and responsibilityQuestion 44

Have they ever said anything like:

"I cannot live without you." · "You are responsible for what happens to me." · "You are making me depressed." · "I will not be okay if you leave." · "You have to stay with me." · Something similar

"I cannot live without you." "You are responsible for what happens to me." "You are making me depressed." "I will not be okay if you leave." "You have to stay with me." Something similar (describe below) No, never

Emotional pressure and responsibilityQuestion 45

If yes, what exactly did they say?

Their words, as close as you remember them.

Emotional pressure and responsibilityQuestion 46

Have they ever threatened to harm themselves or suggested that they may harm themselves if you leave?

Yes No Not sure

Emotional pressure and responsibilityQuestion 47

Do you feel afraid of what they may do if you end the relationship?

Yes, very much Somewhat A little No

Or write it in your own words

Emotional pressure and responsibilityQuestion 48

Complete this sentence honestly:

"The main reason I find it difficult to leave is …"

How is this affecting you?Question 49

How has this relationship affected your sleep, stress, work or career, mental peace, other relationships, family life, and future plans?

Go through each area, one line is enough for each.

How is this affecting you?Question 50

Do you find yourself constantly checking your phone or worrying about their messages?

Yes, constantly Often Sometimes No

Or write it in your own words

How is this affecting you?Question 51

How often do you feel stressed because of this relationship?

Every day Most days Some days Rarely

How is this affecting you?Question 52

What is the most emotionally difficult part of this situation for you?

Looking honestly at the situationQuestion 55

What are you getting from this relationship that makes it difficult to let go?

Looking honestly at the situationQuestion 56

What is this relationship costing you emotionally?

Looking honestly at the situationQuestion 57

Do you feel free to make your own decision about staying or leaving?

Yes, completely Mostly, with some pressure Not really No, not at all

Or write it in your own words

Looking honestly at the situationQuestion 58

If your best friend were in exactly your situation, what would you advise them to do?

Looking honestly at the situationQuestion 59

What would need to change for you to feel peaceful about this situation?

Looking honestly at the situationQuestion 60

What is the one question you most want answered during counselling?

Almost done

Review and submit

Scroll through what you shared. Use the Back button if you want to change anything, then submit. Nothing is sent until you press the button.

Your answers are shared only with your counsellor, stored privately, and never shared with the other person or anyone else.

What happens next?

Your answers may reveal patterns that are difficult to see while you are emotionally involved.

You may be dealing with love, attachment, guilt, fear, responsibility, emotional pressure, confusion, or difficulty setting boundaries.

If you would like to understand your situation more deeply and explore what you genuinely want to do next, you can book a confidential counselling session.

In the session, we can explore:

→ Why you feel stuck

→ Why leaving feels difficult

→ Whether you are staying because of love, guilt, fear, or responsibility

→ What happens emotionally when you try to leave

→ How to understand the other person's behaviour

→ How to set healthier boundaries

→ How to make a clear decision about what you want next

Would you like to discuss your situation in a counselling session?

Yes, I would like to book a session I would like to know more about counselling first Not at the moment

Your reflection is already saved with your counsellor. Booking is optional and confidential.

A private space to think it through, before your session.

Before we begin

Your age

Your gender / sex

Their age

Their gender / sex

Your current relationship status

Their current relationship status

If either of you is married or in another relationship, how long have they been in that relationship?

Do they have children? If yes, please mention their approximate ages.

How did you first meet?

When did the relationship become emotionally or romantically involved?

How long have you been involved with each other?

Who took the first step towards making the relationship more than friendship?

What attracted you to them initially?

What did you think this relationship would be when it first began?

Has what you wanted from this relationship changed over time? If yes, how?

What do you feel they want from you?

What have they directly told you they want from this relationship?

Why do you think they want to continue this affair or relationship?

Do you think they want the relationship to continue permanently, temporarily, or until something changes in their life?

Do their words and actions match? Please explain.

Have they ever made promises about the future? What were those promises?

Do you feel they are emotionally dependent on you? Why or why not?

If there were no guilt, fear, pressure, or consequences, what would you genuinely choose to do about this relationship?

Do you currently want to stay in this relationship?

If yes, why do you want to stay?

If no, why do you want to leave?

What are the three biggest reasons you remain in the relationship?

What are the three biggest reasons you want to get away from it?

If nothing changed in this relationship for the next 2 years, how would you feel about continuing exactly as things are today?

What do you hope will happen if you leave?

Have you ever tried to end the relationship or affair?

If yes, how many times have you seriously tried to leave?

What usually makes you decide, "I need to get out of this"?

What exactly do you do when you try to leave?

How do they react when you try to leave?

What do they say to you?

Do they become angry, sad, blaming, pleading, depressed, anxious, or something else?

Have they ever said or done anything that made you feel you could not leave? Please explain.

Do they contact you repeatedly when you try to create distance?

Have they ever involved friends, family members, colleagues, or other people to reach you?

When they are upset, do you feel responsible for making them feel better?

What happens inside you when they cry, become depressed, or say they are having a panic attack?

Have you ever continued the relationship mainly because you were worried about what would happen to them if you left?

Have they ever said anything like:

If yes, what exactly did they say?

Have they ever threatened to harm themselves or suggested that they may harm themselves if you leave?

Do you feel afraid of what they may do if you end the relationship?

Complete this sentence honestly:

How has this relationship affected your sleep, stress, work or career, mental peace, other relationships, family life, and future plans?

Do you find yourself constantly checking your phone or worrying about their messages?

How often do you feel stressed because of this relationship?

What is the most emotionally difficult part of this situation for you?

What do you feel most often when thinking about this relationship?

Which one of these feelings has the strongest control over your decisions?

What are you getting from this relationship that makes it difficult to let go?

What is this relationship costing you emotionally?

Do you feel free to make your own decision about staying or leaving?

If your best friend were in exactly your situation, what would you advise them to do?

What would need to change for you to feel peaceful about this situation?

What is the one question you most want answered during counselling?

Review and submit

Your answers may reveal patterns that are difficult to see while you are emotionally involved.

Your reflection has been received.