Compatibility or communication
Learning about the personality of self & the partner will change the perspective of happiness in marriage. No marriage is ever perfect because two people with different personalities are involved in making it happen. Compatibility does not hinge on some personal inventory of traits. Compatibility isn’t something you have. It’s something you make. It’s a process, one that you negotiate as you go along.
In the beginning of a love relationship both partners give the best of themselves by ignoring the flaws of each other. Both try to adjust as to how & what partner likes. There is a purpose & desire to let go of shortcomings & pitfalls. Hormones are playing their roles. It feels good to be with someone who can ignore/sacrifice their needs & makes you feel special. You have a dream to take this relationship further so you do whatever is necessary. Couples make an image of each other based on this behavior which perfectly fits the image they have of the spouse they want.
Once the honeymoon phase is over, both get back to normal behavior. They already have an image of you which fits perfect with what they wanted but now you are not behaving as the image they have in their mind. Some couples again adjust to the new spouse so they can live happy as a couple as if they are wearing glasses which only sees the partner as they wanted.
Temperament, character, and environment develop the personality of who we are. Our character continues to evolve throughout life, although much depends on inborn traits and early experiences.
Compatibility issue in Couples arises when one feel one is a giver & other is a taker. One is totally absorbed in themselves other is sacrificing everything for the spouse. One partner is highly energized with life whereas another partner is pessimistic about life & draining the energy of the spouse.
Every marriage has good and bad depending on how couples are adjusting to each other needs. We keep changing evolving so personality keeps changing also. Maybe over the years you see some changes now which before you were not able to see.
Are you rethinking about the compatibility with the partner ? Most of issues, conflicts, patterns and differences in marriage can be solved by learning how to better communicate in marriage & by learning how to handle difficult emotions.
It’s really about how do you manage your differences. Better communication & Emotional self-regulation can help you manage differences like these ::
- Every conversation is about them or every topic will end with their story.
- Expects you to be there to fulfill their needs.
- Constantly criticize you & tell you what you should or shouldn’t do .
- Never takes responsibility for anything.
- You are supposed to know what they need.
- Constantly seeks the center of attention.
- One of you can’t handle criticism.
- Anything they did it was not their fault, it’s always pointed at someone else.
- They always can do better than what you can do, because you are good for nothing.
- Partner feels everyone loves them.
- Expects to be admired by as many as other people.
- Always need the best of everything & in a grand way for themselves.
- Status is everything.
- You never get thanks or they have no gratitude. Anything you do is your job.
- Acts like a perfect person in front of public .
- If you don’t get along as they want you are punished denied love sex .
- If you express your feelings you are called oversensitive.
- Can’t see things with your point of view, though it’s crystal clear that they are wrong.
- It seems like one sided relationship.
- They want to control your time & efforts.
- You feel their emotions are shallow.
- Uses emotional blackmail to get what they want from you.
- They will usually do what you don’t want them to do.
- Will financially abuse you . Your money is like water .
- They have no guilt. No shame. No remorse .
Reminder : Couples with different personalities can improve Relationship skills to have a happy marriage. Counseling helps couples to understand that having different character traits adds spice to a relationship that may otherwise be bland. Counseling helps in dealing with compatibility issues through problem-solving skills & better communication. Learn some simple, effective steps to deal with compatibility differences by counseling . Again and again, It’s a disposition, an attitude, a willingness to work.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
Call iNtegra Marriage Counsellor to have a confidential talk +91-98-1118-1117 or please Fill the form below & get started. Your details are confidential with us.